A Ballad For Alex
by Sora G. Silverwind
Summary: Alex of Imil was a slipp'ry sort, for he betrayed and he hurt and he lied...


**A Ballad For Alex****  
by Sora G. Silverwind**

**Summary****: Alex of Imil was a slipp'ry sort, for he betrayed and he hurt and he lied...**

**Rating****: PG-13 for some swear words.**

**Author's notes****: Yes, I actually thought this would be a good idea. In my defense, it was 3AM and I was drinking Mountain Dew and eating Tostitos. And listening to Evanescence. Also, I'm an Alex fangirl, which I'm sure explains everything about me.**

**Disclaimer****: Disclaimer! Disclaimer on **_**you**_**, disclaimer on your **_**family,**_** disclaimer on your **_**cow!**_

**Special thanks to****: Dracobolt for helping me with some of the technical details of canon and looking up stuff for me; TVTropes for supplying "Meaningless Meaningful Words".**

O-O-O

Alex of Imil was a slipp'ry sort,  
For he betrayed and he hurt and he lied.  
It's no wonder, then, that our poor fandom  
Can't even figure out whether he died.

"He was the worst traitor," most fans say;  
"A misaligned character!" others cry.  
It would be fascinating were he both,  
But others still would rather watch snot dry.

He first appeared in the sanctum of Sol,  
Floating as though dangling from a stunt wire.  
He took the Stars from our hapless heroes  
To appease the Proxians' fiery ire.

Then we met him on Mercury's aerie,  
Safely hidden from the heated boss fight.  
Though he made quite the dramatic entrance,  
One wondered if he had more bark than bite.

Alas, Mia knew him well, it would seem,  
Though their relationship wasn't quite clear.  
In Japanese, he was her dad's student,  
But to hell with that – we speak English here!

He left Satyu and Mena alone at  
Venus Lighthouse to fight Isaac and friends.  
But we don't find out what happens to him  
Until after the first game ends!

When we picked up the sequel, we saw that  
He had joined with Jenna and Kraden  
To escape the crumbling lighthouse  
And find, somehow, somewhere, a safe haven.

They stepped outside into the forest air  
And it wasn't too long before they knew  
That a band of guards were waiting for them;  
But Alex fought them off with Mercury-fu.

Then he was trapped with Jenna and Kraden  
When Idejima floated out to sea.  
Yet when we woke up (as Felix this time!)  
He'd disappeared again, that S-O-B!

"Don't be too mad," Kraden said merrily.  
"He's just looking for a good ship right now."  
"Then how about Alephshipping?" you said.  
"I'm sure someone could make that work somehow."

"Well, there goes the fourth wall," Sheba remarked.  
"Should we even try to build it again?"  
"Forget I said anything," you muttered.  
And Jenna chirped: "On with the ballad, then!"

When we bumped into Alex in Daila,  
He confirmed what Kraden had earlier said.  
But there were no boats to be had in town,  
So he'd go a-huntin' in Madra instead.

And just like that, he went off on his own  
And left our heroes pissed and steamin' –  
If Alex thought he could get rid of them  
That sorry bitch was def'nitely dreamin'!

They followed him to Madra, through Yampi,  
And found him again in Alhafra Town.  
And then when they used Mind Read on Alex  
They found that he had some strange shit goin' down.

But there was nothing to be done about  
Alex's Meaningless Meaningful Words  
Except for realizing at the end  
The extent t'which he was a big blue turd.

Anyway, he showed up in Champa with  
Two new unfriendly-looking friends in tow.  
Yet he had the nerve to ask our heroes:  
"Why'd y'all replace me with some fugly schmo?"

Before long, there was Jupiter Lighthouse!  
In true display of his powers of Fail,  
Alex helped out Felix and his party,  
Then healed the other side and turned tail.

Felix and the Seven Stooges never  
Saw Alex again after that sorry day.  
We gamers would've liked to see him  
If only to beat his ass in the final fray.

In the end, he climbed mighty Mount Aleph  
All for the sake of the great Golden Sun.  
But then – then! – the Wise One crashed his party  
And totally crapped on Alex's fun!

So Alex went down with the mountaintop,  
And with Sol Sanctum, and with tiny Vale.  
And for most people, that would be the end  
Of Golden Sun's epically awesome tale.

But then there are those like you and like me  
Who really want to see the story go on.  
So we ruminate on what we liked most  
And end up with the thing called "fanfiction."

Or we get the odd piece of fanpoetry,  
Written by some fearless (or crazy!) souls.  
It's a pain-in-the-ass to do, for real,  
But sometimes that's just how we gotta roll!

Thus ends my ode to Alex of Imil,  
An Adept from a little town by the sea.  
You're made of equal parts win and fail, so  
Here's hoping you come back in Golden Sun 3!

O-O-O

**Review if you will, flame if you must.**

**-Sora G. Silverwind**_**  
living for you so you can hide**_


End file.
